


I'll Carry Your World

by Lilsciencequeen



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Guilt, Late Night Conversations, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-23
Updated: 2015-12-23
Packaged: 2018-05-08 17:41:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5506898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilsciencequeen/pseuds/Lilsciencequeen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He had expected her to come. She always came at night.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll Carry Your World

**Author's Note:**

> So notapepper wrote The Will of a Few, an amazing fic dealing with Jemma's guilt and I've had this idea in my head for ages but it won't compare to that one, which you should 100% read. That fic also gave me the inspiration to put this out today, even though I really should update everything else...  
> I hope this one's okay. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy.

He had expected her to come. She always did. He watched in silence, hiding in the shadows of the kitchen. "Jemma," he said, moving slowly, carefully so as not to spook her.

She turned to face him. "Hunter," she breathed, giving him a smile. "What are you doing up?"

He returned the smile. "I could ask you the same."

She shrugged, pain flashing momentarily across her face. "Looking for pain killers that I can actually take," she said to him, before turning away again, and opening the cupboard in which all of the medicine was kept.

Hunter took a breath before letting it out gently through his nose. "Jemma, we need to talk."

She paused, before asking, "About what?"

Hunter pulled one of the chairs out, beckoning her to sit.

"Did Fitz put you up to this? Bobbi?" Jemma questioned as she took the seat, fear evident in her voice.

Hunter shook his head and took the seat opposite. "No, but we need to talk about you. What's happened. We're all worried about you."

Jemma shrugged it off, as it were nothing big. "I'm fine."

Hunter snorted, shaking his head. "Love, you're the opposite of OK. After all you've been through, it's OK not to be OK. It doesn't make you weak or anything."

Jemma didn't say anything, just stared at Hunter. He was probably the last person that she was expecting this talk from. And judging by the look on her face, no one else had had this talk with her.

"Will's death wasn't your fault, neither were those Inhumans. You did what had to be done."

Jemma's eyes widened at this, and she made a move to leave the chair but a raised eyebrow from Hunter prevented her from doing anything else.

"Tea?" Jemma asked.

Hunter nodded, pushing himself back from the table, and walking over to flick the switch of the kettle.

"Sugar? Milk?" he asked her, head buried in the cupboard, looking for a mug for her. He saw all of hers, she was the one who had the most. Normally Hunter would make a joke about her British heritage here, and she would retort that he was also British. But Hunter didn't.

And Hunter also didn't use a mug that Jemma loved, just a plain white one.

After what seemed like hours, Jemma finally broke the silence, just as the kettle started to sing. "No, thanks."

Hunter nodded, and threw a tea bag in each mug and waiting for the kettle to have finally finished.

When the tea was made, he passed her a mug and took his seat again, keen on getting to the bottom of whatever was making Jemma Simmons feel like this.

Though he never knew the Jemma from before all of what she had went through, she had learnt enough from the way both Fitz and Skye had talked about her in those six months. And how May looked at her, with such sadness in her eyes.

"It was my fault."

Jemma finally broke the silence. "I left him there, on that Hell to die. He died protecting me. And I let Andrew out to save myself. I wasn't even thinking about others. About him. All I cared about was myself." Hunter didn't say anything, just waiting for her to get all of this of her chest. "As usual." He almost missed those last two words.

Almost.

"Jemma," Hunter sighed, "You did what you had to with Andrew. To save yourself. HYDRA were going to kill you."

Jemma gave another shrug, as if her death didn't matter. "Maybe I deserved this."

Her eyes dropped down to where her stomach was, and Hunter bit his lip, knowing what she was implying. When he had found out what HYDRA had done to her, guilt had turned his blood to ice. It was his fault in a sense. 

But one person can't carry as much guilt as she was. It wasn't healthy.

"Jemma Simmons, you don't deserve what you suffered. Life just gave you a really shit year." An understatement, but it was the best way to describe his point. "You don't deserve any of what happened to you."

A harsh laugh escaped Jemma. "It wasn't just this year. It's everything. Trip. Bobbi. Skye...Daisy." She took a shuddering breath, the first of what would be many tears finally escaping her. "Fitz."

"Then talk to me," Hunter offered, leaning forward. "Tell me everything. I swear I won't tell anyone." He raised a shoulder, and reached a hand over.

She stared at it, before finally unwrapping one hand from her mug of tea. "Deal," she said shaking, and Hunter gave a lopsided grin before restoring his features to one fit for this discussion.

"So much death and pain and horror follows me," Jemma began cautious, her voice soft and small. "Trip went down there. I could have stopped him. I could have saved him. Daisy," Jemma shook her head, and started back into her mug. "I tried to get rid of her powers. What made Daisy, Daisy... because of a few bad experiences that I have had."

There was a pause, and Hunter waited for her to continue, but she didn't seem to be wanting to say anything else. "Trip wasn't your fault. He went down there. He made that choice. And we all miss him, but you can't blame yourself for his choice. And he wouldn't have let you stop him. You knew him better than I did. And Daisy understands the powers. Everyone had bad experience with the alien technology and all. You were trying to protect her."

Jemma sighed, shoulders rising and falling. "I should have killed Ward when I had the chance,not Bakshi..."

Hunter didn't realise that she had killed Bakshi, but he didn't press the issue. 

"He hurt Bobbi," she said, her voice catching in her throat, sobs starting to escape from her. "And it's my fault. He hurt Fitz. He took Fitz to that Hell. If I were able to kill him, they wouldn't be hurt."

"He also hurt you," Hunter said, gently laying a hand on her wrist to provide some reassurance. "He tortured you."

"But I deserved that!" Jemma broke when she said those four words. "I deserved everything that they did!"

"You didn't," Hunter said, knowing that it would be to no avail. But he had to try. He had to get some of the weigh that she was crying removed from her shoulders.

She shook her head, her brown hair flying everywhere, and tears now dripping down onto the wooden table. "I'm a bad person."

"Jemma Simmons, you're one of the nicest people I've ever met," Hunter reassured, letting go of her wrist and dragging his chair around to sit beside her. He placed a hand on her shoulder, and used the other to raise her head, making her look him in the eye. "You've been carrying this for too long now that's its impacting on you. You're blaming yourself for everything, you can't carry this."

She sighed heavily. "I think I need help."

Hunter nodded. He had gotten through to her, he had finally gotten her to admit to herself.

"Fitz." 

Hunter nodded at this request. He knew Fitz wouldn't be too annoyed at him if he woke him up for Jemma Simmons.

***

Jemma Simmons told Leopold Fitz everything, starting with why she left for HYDRA the year previous.

"It was because I loved you," she began, staring at him with wide eyes. "I couldn't bear to see you suffer, see you suffer at my hands."

Fitz shook his head, and pulled her in closer, and kissed her forehead, "It wasn't your fault. You didn't cause any of that."

Jemma just sniffled. "I didn't swim fast enough."

Fitz just shrugged. "I don't care. You saved my life, and that's all that matters to me."

"I still love you," she said, burrowing herself into his t-shirt, her tears soaking the cotton. "I love you more than I love myself."

"But Will," Fitz asked. Silence and then...

"I loved him too, but he wasn't who I wanted to spend my life with. He was the only one there, he... he kept me alive, and I think that's where it came from. A desire to stay alive, but..." she trailed off, losing her words. "It was always you."

Fitz didn't say anything, just placed another kiss on her forehead, and rubbed her back until she winced in pain.

"From earlier?" Fitz asked, and Jemma nodded. "Can I see?" he asked again, and Jemma nodded, though more reluctantly this time.

She turned round in the chair, and Fitz gently lifted the fabric of her t-shirt up, and wished that he hadn't. Her back was simply torn skin and bruises. "I'm so sorry," was all he said before Jemma spoke again.

"He ran the hammer down my back, the claw end," but she couldn't continue as sobs had engulfed her and Fitz just pulled her close.

It was going to be hard, and they both knew it but she was finally allowing someone to carry the weight that she was holding on her shoulders. 

She was finally relieving herself of all the guilt that she had carried.

By the time morning came, they were still in the kitchen, still talking and discussing where they were to go next. And when Bobbi passed, she couldn't help but notice a smirking Hunter leaning in the doorway.

She raised an eyebrow, scared to ask just why he was so smug at seven in the morning. 

Hunter turned around and faced her, allowing Bobbi to see fully into the room.

To a kissing FitzSimmons.

"I take it your smugness is something to do with the PDA going on in there?"

Hunter nodded. "Got Jemma to finally open up," he said before walking into the kitchen, breaking that private moment between the two scientists.

"You did good Hunter," Bobbi whispered, so low no one could hear. "You did good.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this. Thanks for reading and Marvel owns all. Title from Atlas by Coldplay.


End file.
